


i need a new d20

by XingPanda



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, sort of crack?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 09:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11158788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XingPanda/pseuds/XingPanda
Summary: I rolled a d20 every time a character needed to do something...this is the result.





	i need a new d20

It was on a day like any other, twin suns high in a purple hued sky, that Trés Horny Boys decided to fuck off for a day of rest and relaxation in Taako’s pocket spa.

 

“Hey um guys? Isn’t the pocket spa from another dimension way in the future?” Magnus asked as he tried to take off his shirt. His fluffy sideburns were so big and luxurious that the neck hole of his dumb little t-shirt just wasn’t able to handle it. Hey writer? Roll higher than a six next time, yeah?

 

Taako shrugged. “It’s a fic, my man. Doesn’t need to make sense.”

 

“Just go with the flow,” Merle chimed in. He hopped into the hot tub, making a medium-sized splash. “Hm. That could have been better.”

 

Taako grunted in frustration as the scrunchie he was gonna use just snapped right the fuck in half. “Jesus fucking Christ how come the author of this fic is so shit at rolling dice I mean my god! Get a new d20, bubbeleh.” He rolled his eyes before stepping gracefully into the warm water.

 

Magnus joined his pals in the tub after ripping his shirt clean off his body.

 

“Oh my god. That was…wow. Do you do that all the time?” Kravitz asked, appearing out of nowhere. “It’s very manly.”

 

“Holy shit! Kravitz! You weren’t even in this arc,” Magnus exclaimed. He held out a fist for Kravitz to bump. Kravitz awkwardly placed his hand over Magnus’.

 

“Sorry. I rolled a 5,” Kravitz explained. “And well…yes, it is quite odd that I am here but--“ Kravitz cut off as Taako planted a great big smooch on his lips. It’s a pretty good kiss. 14/20.

 

Taako and Kravitz have a nice make-out sesh. It’s quite excellent. Almost a 20.

 

Magnus and Merle give each other a look.

 

“I’m gonna go find Lucretia and see if she wants to hang out,” Merle said. “Wanna come?”

 

Magnus nodded. “Yeah, I think these two are gonna be here for a while”

 

Merle and Magnus tried to leave but both of them slipped while getting out of the tub. They each took 3 damage. Sucks. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

“God lied to me!” Merle wailed as Magnus picked him up in one of his big, burly hands and rushed out of the pocket spa.

 

“How embarrassing,” Taako laughed, finally breaking the kiss. Kravitz put an arm around his hot elf boyfriend. Or he would have…if he hadn’t rolled a 2. Kravitz accidentally slaps Taako in the face.

 

“Oh jeez! Taako, I am so sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me,” Kravitz said.

 

“Don’t worry, my dude. I mean, yeah ouch that was totally uncool but none of this is canon so who gives a fuck,” Taako shrugs and kisses Kravitz on the cheek.

 

Suddenly everyone ceases to exist.

 

I rolled a 1.

 

Sorry.


End file.
